Notes on My Life

excerpts from notes on my life

  • Things I Haven’t Said, Yet

    I am on day 4 of a hangover. A classic slip-up, a party between friends but mostly new acquaintances, where I was flooded by social anxiety and drank way too much, non-stop even, until 4 am. So I am still hungover, questioning everything, raw, exposed, compromised, and worried for my mental and emotional health. I Read more

  • Anniversary

    My mother died a year ago today, on the 29th of January, which is also my sister’s birthday. However this came to be, I cannot imagine why it did, but it is so. Seeing as it is not my birthday, I can easily say what a special day it is to share, of one soul Read more

  • Presence, Distractions, Avoidance

    Today is the 16th of January. It is getting very close to the year anniversary of my mother’s death, which is also my sister’s birthday. I want to call her, my sister that is, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to have a long conversation. I don’t want to choose the Read more

  • On Writing

    Well, I’ve done it. Eighty thousand words on my life. Notes, ramblings, thoughts, pain, pleasure, reflections, all of them finally pasted into one big document. Sometime into this I thought I should try to turn them into a book. Six months ago, while doing a coaching program in project development that was really at the Read more

  • Boxing Day

    It’s December 26th, the day after Christmas. I made it through The Day. I made it through the first one without my mother here on earth. Not my mother, my father, or my grandmothers are still here, a fact that I only realised the other day. Christmas felt like my first one really alone as Read more

  • At Last

    Somehow I’ve broken my habit of writing. There were times this past year when I wrote every day, not wanting to go through what I was going through on my own, it seemed the only way to stay present, to process, to understand the complex feelings I was experiencing. The day my mother died, the Read more