The cat is dead. My fury love, my source of comfort, the yang to the yin of his brother or cousin Tigre, a royal black lion of a cat in winter, fluffy, with a mane framing his face and his Egyptian nose, died suddenly yesterday morning. He was cuddled up at my feet on the Read more

Here I am, sat down to write. The urge is gone, the sense of urgency that I had before has withered and died. Now I am back at home. Suitcases half-unpacked, I’m avoiding completing the task. My husband starts travelling again tomorrow, which is Saturday. It seems unfair that he is off to sunny Greece Read more

I’m sitting on the bed in my office at home, surrounded by my half-unpacked suitcase and all its contents. The smell of the last three weeks is hanging on my clothes, a combination of the hospital, the care home, and sadness. A light but stinging, pungent smell that I don’t completely dislike as it seems Read more

I am home now. After everything, all the things, everything worked out and I got home. It was a long, sad drive to the airport with my sister. She had a friend with her as a buffer. She probably arranged it just like that so that I wouldn’t talk to her; wouldn’t trap her in Read more

It’s 9:04 and I should already be in the shower, but I don’t want to. I would love to spend a few more minutes avoiding the inevitable by smoking a cigarette but even I can’t justify that time wasted. Now I am on a countdown, and have an appointment to see mom at 10. I Read more

I’m taking a minute to check in with myself before heading to a 10pm meeting. I realised today that I’m six months alcohol-free. Not sober – I’m stoned right now. I don’t mind it, it’s softening everything, which I need right now. I don’t fly off the handle, but instead can talk through arguments. My Read more