As I wade in slowly, I feel a sensation like never before. The coldness feels like shards of glass against my shins, my calves. From the inside, the pain reacts in pins and needles, and alertness. There is an intense fear, a fear that is always there only now it comes quickly to the forefront of my awareness. Fear is the most present danger, and I know now that fear is an emotion can be over come by distracting the mind from it, or even better, by releasing it. This practice is much easier to do when not faced with water that is so cold that the primitive mind senses a fear so deeply imbedded in our animal instinct for survival that it could be insurmountable.

I concentrate on the water far in the distance, try to find details to focus on. What exact color is it? It changes with the light and each movement, big and small. I focus on this instead of the fear and continue to move steadily until it reaches my thighs, my cunt, and the biggest challenge, my stomach. I automatically gasp in and to counter this new body fear reaction I groan out through the same region, returning bodily control and through that, I am able to refocus on the water and continue my slow and steady state of immersion into the coldest water I have ever felt in my life. Finally, it covers my breasts, my décolleté , and finally my neck and my arms outstretched from my shoulders. I lift my chin and try to hold myself there for a moment before going under. With closed eyes I try to feel the sensations throughout my entire being while seeing the colours of the sun and those sensations behind my eyes.

I finally surrender and with a deep breath, I go under completely. With eyes closed I feel my hair swirl around me as I tread water submerged. With such intensity I wonder if my body will adjust to it at some point. I try to count to 30, to stay under, but I only get to 13. I come up for air and the shock feels warm on my face. I dive back in to swim to shore, to make up for the fact that I only stayed under for 13 seconds. Again, it is the movement that makes me feel exceptional, as I can feel my body working against, or with, the incredible force of the water and its cold.

I crawl when I reach shallow water. Feeling the sand beneath me, I drag my legs through its heavy silk and drag. As I reach the edge of where the tide laps in, I lay there, my whole front in the sand, to finish completely this strange new experience and all its sensations. I challenged my body and it rose to the occasion. We worked together, me and my body and mind, and we did it.

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