It’s 9:04 and I should already be in the shower, but I don’t want to. I would love to spend a few more minutes avoiding the inevitable by smoking a cigarette but even I can’t justify that time wasted. Now I am on a countdown, and have an appointment to see mom at 10. I will take a shower and let it wash all of the noise and static away, the filth of the last few days, the worry, and try to meet her with a pure heart to say good bye. I must drag myself to make myself move, tired from the night before with a low, steady panic coarsing through me.

Off I go to say goodbye